Serving Ms. Brown.

current mood: elated


Since I started my new job I've had comments from my friends about how happy I'm looking and how I seem to be more positive and assertive. The general consensus is that changing my job has been the best thing I've ever done.
I smile and agree but keep my thoughts to myself. There's no need for my friends to know the real reason for my change in attitude. What happens at work, between Ms Brown and myself, is private, my little secret...

I've had a brilliant day and it had nothing to do with my job. *grin*
Having my boss' hand up my skirt is a regular occurrence now and frankly I've been encouraging it. Not at first though, oh no.
I was very uncomfortable (though undeniably turned on) by the situation. It was hardly professional conduct we were indulging in after all and what if someone found out? I also remembered something Elizabeth had said about my predecessor, how she'd left suddenly after only being there a few months. That threw me. Had Ms Brown tried the same thing on her last PA? Was I just the latest toy, or even worse – had Ms Brown only hired me because... I don't know, because I looked like a victim?

After a few days of my thoughts churning chaotically enough for it to begin to affect my work I decided that enough was enough and sat down with a bottle of wine and had a good think. By the time I'd poured myself the last glass I'd narrowed it all down to two points:

1: I wasn't comfortable with what was happening but – if I was going to be honest with myself - I was enjoying it and
2: ultimately, this was between myself and my boss and as long as the quality of our work wasn't compromised it shouldn't become an issue.

It was risky, I knew, and if this... relationship was revealed there could be dire consequences - though interestingly I was more concerned for Ms Brown's career than my own.
There was something else I had to consider too - if I was going to continue being honest with myself.
I didn't want to leave my job, or Ms Brown...
I made my decision.

Today when I felt Ms Brown's hand on the back of my thigh I gathered my courage and with my heart hammering in my chest I wriggled my feet apart, just a little, enough to open my legs a fraction and hopefully encourage my boss to... explore further. After a moment of breathless anticipation she did and I swear I thought my heart was going to burst when her fingertips brushed along my groin...

current mood: weird


I'm getting the hang of my job, I think, due in no small part to Elizabeth. Fair enough she's been there for years but she knows the place, and our boss, inside and out. She's one of those rare people who can teach almost by osmosis too - the information kind of flows out of her and into me. It's not like she's teaching me at all, I find I simply know what to do. She doesn't mind being asked questions, either, even dumb ones and she's a mine of information (gossip) about the company and its staff. She seems to be a good judge of character and I trust her opinion. I really like her, I think we could be friends.

I have to admit I'm loving my new job. It's more of a challenge than my old one and more satisfying, I think, because of it. It's odd but I feel brighter, more alert, than I have for years, and I'm definitely giving some serious thought now to going back to study. Still don't know what though! *grin*

It may be a bit early in the piece to say this, but it's a joy working for Ms Brown. My experiences with previous bosses has been varied - some I got on with, some I didn't - and for the most part my interactions with them were lukewarm, cordial if not friendly, but it's different with Ms Brown. In the relatively short time I've known her I've come to respect and admire her. She's intelligent, ambitious and determined but quietly so, she doesn't brag or carry on like some of the others (no names mentioned). I think she knows where she's going, and how she's going to get there and is not going to let herself be distracted. I can learn so much from her.

Gah! Does that sound like hero-worship?
Well, I guess it is but this is where it gets… weird.

This morning as I stood beside her, behind her desk, she… touched me.
I didn't realise it at first, I was concentrating on her instructions for the job at hand and the touch on the back of my knee was so light I thought it was my skirt brushing against my skin. But then the sensation moved, slowly, deliberately to half-way up the back of my thigh.
The small, gentle strokes caught me by surprise and I froze, my breath catching in my throat. I glanced nervously at Ms Brown, blushing when I saw it was her hand up my skirt.
My Boss was gazing up at me, her expression grave.
"Just say no, Shara, if you don't like this." she said softly, "I won't take offence - and I promise you won't lose your job."
I didn't say no, not then and not later that day when she did it again.
I wasn’t comfortable with it, and I believed her about not losing my job, so why didn't I tell her to stop?

I don’t know if I can explain this adequately, but all of my life I've craved sensation - I need experiences, situations, that affect me deeply in some way. When I was younger I did some really dumb things in the quest for this, mostly in the misguided view that what I was doing would give me that… rush I sought. They rarely did, for any length of time anyway, so in the interests of self-preservation (I'm saying it was really dumb, dangerous things I was doing) I learnt to control it. I've been pretty good the past few years, I've kept mostly out of trouble, but the sheer eroticism of that illicit touch today has woken it again. I don't know whether to be scared or worried - or thrilled.

I'm breathlessly anticipating going in to work tomorrow. I didn't say no today, that could be interpreted as tacit permission. How far will Ms Brown try to go? How far will I let her?
I'm desperately trying not to expect too much too soon though, I don't want to be disappointed…