Serving Ms. Brown.

current mood: relieved


Phew! I rang Neil and told him I wouldn't be coming back at all and he was really good about it. We chatted for a while and he said he was pleased I'd found something else, sorry I was going and why hadn't I said something if I wasn't happy? He has a point, why didn't I? Because I never considered that anything could be done to make it more palatable for me. And let's face it, I'm more likely to run away from something uncomfortable than to try and change it - you've just got to look at the track record of my past relationships to see that! On the other hand, if the job was that bad why didn't I leave earlier? Because it wasn't that bad; deadly dull and monotonous but not unbearable. I got sucked into a stifling apathy where it was easier to just cruise than put myself through the hassle of change.
Ten years though, ten years…
Neil asked me if minded if they gave me a send-off, nothing too flash, maybe a meal at the pub. I said yes even though I didn't want to (not sure why) but I've worked with some of these people for years and I'm friendly with them even if I haven't had any bosom buddies there.
It'll be - what's that word they use? - closure.

I'm still pretty nervous about starting this new job but the more I think about the interview and how it went the better, more confident I feel.
I was interviewed by two people, a man and a woman. The man, Tom Reginald if I remember correctly, was someone from Personnel. He looked like he was nearing retirement age, quite frankly, but he was friendly in an assessing sort of way. The woman, Teresa Brown, didn't say much but it was an encouraging silence, if you know what I mean. The position I was applying for was as her personal assistant and I get the impression, in hindsight, that she seemed pleased with me despite my confessed lack of experience in the work.
I was very nervous going into that interview - it was only my second - but I answered all their questions honestly and, I think, competently. (Well, they hired me, I don't think I managed to make myself look like a denizen of the shallow end of the gene pool!)
Mr Reginald asked me what I thought I could bring to the job - which is a hard question to answer honestly without sounding big-headed. I replied: 'reliability, a willingness to work and learn, and a good organisational ability'. (*grin* which means I can file accurately). He smiled and leant back in his chair and asked the question I've always dreaded - 'Where do you see yourself in five years time…?'
Answering truthfully - 'I have no idea' - never impresses prospective bosses but I knew this was going to be an inevitable question in any interview I got so I'd taken the precaution of having an answer ready.
'In five years time I see myself still here, still learning and a trusted member of the team.'
That doesn't sound too sucky, does it? It implies longevity in the job, not being afraid to admit I don't know everything and a kind of eagerness to muck in and help.
Mr Reginald made a note then asked if I had any questions for them. Again, I'd anticipated this and had some very general enquiries ready to go, questions about the specifics of my duties and - this made T.Brown quirk an eyebrow - what they liked about working for this company. Mr Reginald guffawed and said the superannuation package (aha! I was right) and Ms Brown smiled a little and said, very softly, she enjoyed the challenges she was given.
And then the interview was over and I left to treat myself to a good cup of coffee and a disgustingly rich and indulgent piece of walnut coffee cake at the upmarket little café I'd noticed nearby.
Uh oh, if I'm going to be eating there regularly I'd better step up my exercise program!

Hmm, I think I need to go shopping for some new work clothes. Everything I've got is years old and going by the understatedly elegant suit Ms Brown was wearing I assume she'd appreciate a certain standard of dress in her employees…

current mood: nervous


Nervous?
That's an understatement! I'm about to walk away from a major, familiar part of my life, something that - no matter how much I dislike it - has given me stability and definition for over a decade. But, what's that phrase?
Familiarity breeds contempt...

Just before I walked out of the office to go on my long-service leave, my boss gave me a smile and a cheery wave and said he'd see me in twelve weeks. I laughed but didn't say anything. How could I? Neil's a nice bloke, a great boss, but I couldn't tell him to his face that if all went to plan I wouldn't be setting foot back in that building ever again.

I've been using my extended holiday to look for another job.
It was a good plan I think; if I found something else, great, if not, oh well, I'd still have a job to go back to with none the wiser. Of course, whether I'd have the motivation to look for another job if nothing happened this time round is another question entirely.

Why do I want to leave my job anyway? The pay's reasonable, it's secure - I'd have to really screw up for them to fire me - and the work is easy. But... it's not what I want to do anymore, if I ever really wanted to do it in the first place! When I left school I didn't have any expectations, I didn't know what I wanted to do so taking any old job to tide me over while I worked out what I did want seemed perfectly reasonable. But somehow the years slid past and I drifted along with them until suddenly I'm almost thirty and I realise I still have no idea what I want.
Under the guise of having a desirably secure and stable life I've been stagnating... I need to make a change, reassess things. There has to be more to life than working to pay the mortgage.
I'd like to go back to school, but what could I do? Do I take the safe option and study something sensible that will help me advance in what laughingly passes for my 'career', or should I do something just because I'm interested in it? What am I interested in anyway? Something else I'll have to think about.

When I eventually picked up the paper to start looking at the job adds I found myself in a bit of a quandary. Did I still want to do clerical/office work? The idea didn't appeal but what else is there? I'm not really qualified for anything else. Well anyway, to cut a long story short, I decided my equilibrium wouldn't cope with anything that was too radical a departure from what I was familiar with, so office work it was.
Heh, and so much for not telling Neil what I was doing, as soon as I started sending out resumés I realised I'd have to let him in on the secret because potential employers were going to want to ring him to check me out! He didn't sound too upset when I told him, more surprised than anything I think.

I found a surprising number of jobs to apply for and even went for a few interviews but I didn't think I was having too much luck until this morning when I got a call back from one of the companies offering me a job.
Crunch time - do I take it or not?
What the hell, I hated my job, I wanted a change, I'd deliberately set out to find another job, it would be the worse kind of cop-out to change my mind now.

I start my new job in two weeks... I suppose I'd better ring Neil and tell him...

---